Back to work

My mother died on January 8, and I have been away from my blogging during that time of funeral arrangements and family activity. I thought about blogging during the process, and decided not to do it. I thought it might be a little too much.

I do want to share the eulogy I wrote for my mom that was read at her funeral (January 14) by my brother in law.


EULOGY FOR MARY SUE FIVEASH LYDA (1923-2010)
Reflections of her children on the occasion of her death

“It never was about her.”

After several days of reflection, that phrase came to us. For our mother, it never was about her. It was always about something else. Her family, her husband, her children, her church, people she served, people in need she never met. Most of all, it was about God. That is what made her unique among the people we have known. It never was about her.

Our mother experienced some terrible suffering in her life. This in itself is not unusual; many people have very bad things happen to them. What made our mother unusual was the way she responded to her pain. Instead of becoming angry, embittered, self absorbed, or cynical, she became compassionate. Even in pain, it was not about her. The poverty of her childhood made her generous. The stigma of lower class circumstances made her intolerant of bigotry. The pain of bereavement in her youth made her sensitive to the losses of others around her. Faced with hearing loss, she became an interpreter for the deaf. Faced with blindness, she found a way to communicate with people in need of encouragement. Unable to live on her own, she found ways to serve her children and grandchildren. It was never about her. Not even in death. At her demise, her instructions were to send her body to the University of Florida medical school. Still serving, even now.

Our mother had a passion for God. Always faithful as a church member, in her later years she became a devoted student of the Bible. Her knowledge was not intellectual, and her interests were not academic. For her, it was about the heart. It was frustrating to see her constantly judging herself for shortcomings and failings, but she took the call to holiness utterly seriously. She absolutely believed in grace, but was always engaged in rigorous self examination.
Her commitment to holiness did not make her judgmental of others, however. Hard on herself, she was very tender with others. No one who ever saw her cry over them could feel anything other than love. Her tears were more powerful than any paddle she ever used on us.

Her faith was not simply a personal piety. She had a powerful sense of social justice, and did what she could to change the world. We saw her not only be charitable to the poor, but take public stands for racial justice during the civil rights movement. She had strong political views which were tilted toward equality and opportunity for all people. In her later years she got involved in faith based community organizing in Gainesville, working on local issues. She could be compared to a biblical prophet, combining deep personal faith with a fierce commitment to social righteousness.

As she faced the possiblity of dying, we saw the ultimate in faith and trust. Knowing her mortality, she lived with an anticipation of death that paradoxically invigorated her life. She just would not quit living, even as her medical problems mounted. People around her marveled and were touched by her serenity. We believe that at the end she was living in God’s presence as much as in her earthly existence.

She was a teacher of faith, and a mentor in spiritual life. None of us feel worthy of the example she has set, but that example will be with us for the rest of our lives. Regardless of what happens, her life will always remind us: no complaining, no shirking of responsibility, no excuses for failing to live up to what we should be. Love and trust God, and live for something bigger than yourself.

Her legacy is an old fashioned blessing she gave to her children and grandchildren, holding each of us by the face and admonishing us to love God and be good people. That very special gift will sustain and instruct, and is the most precious inheritance . Even as she died, it was never about her.